bigbadbob's Blog

   A few years ago I received an invitation to attend a combination Neighborhood/High School reunion.  At first I didn't want to go, but my wife Susan, thought it would be a great way for her to put faces with the names that came up, when I told her stories from my past.  She said she'd give anything if she could attend her own reunion.  She attended Van Nuys High School in California.  I told her "that's like a three thousand mile schlepp, for one night of memories.  Plus if you Want to know what they look like, all you have to do is go to a movie, or turn on the TV, most of them  are acting in movies, on TV or doing commercials!"  

   So reluctantly I agree and we go.  As we enter the VFW hall, we walk into a sea of comb-overs, dentures and face lifts! At the door I'm greeted by an older gentleman who resembles my friend Freddy.  He extends his hand and says "Hello, and thanks for coming." I shake his hand and say "Hi I'm Bob. I'm  friend of your younger brother Freddy!"  He says "I AM FREDDY!"     There's an embarassing pause, then a smile comes to his face..."Always the kidder, hey Bobby?"  Then he brings me over to meet his wife Gloria?  He always hated Gloria.  Everyone always hated Gloria.  If you were to look up the words obnoxious, snotty, catty, self-centered, ego maniacal, self absorbed, part of the definitions would include a photograph of Gloria!  True to form, she had enough plastic surgery to fill a recycling dumpster. Her widows peek was now on the top of her head and she walked around with her face in a constant state of surprise! 

   I didn't recognize the school bully, Carlo.  He went from being Mr. Football, Mr. Baseball, Mr. Tough Guy, to being Mr.  FATSO! He was so big, he had Richter scale sensors sewn into his shorts.  If he ever had an out-or-body experience, he'd fall on himself.  In fact if he did fall, they'd have to call "Triple A" to stand him upright!  He must've eaten all of those lunches he stole from us all by himself!

    It's Saturday morning, about a week later, and we're discussing over breakfast, that all in all it was good to see how everyone turned out and that most of them were happy.  My wife is telling me how I was the youngest looking one there, when the door bell rings.  I say, "honey, could you please get that?" She says, "I don't believe this, I'm not wearing any makeup, I'm wearing a tank-top and cut-offs, and I have my hair in a pony tail."  I said, "please honey, my leg fell asleep and my feet hurt."  She gets up and says "Oh alright."  She opens the door and standing there is our Italian gardener.  He says "Hello little girl, is-a you Papa home??!"