SaxInTheCity's Blog

I saw a documentary on this disorder on, um, MSNBC (I think) and “The Secret Lives of Women” on Oxygen Channel and it is not something to laugh about.

In fact it hit a little too close to home for my own comfort.

The woman on “T.S.L.O.W.” said that the chaos and disorder in her environment reflects the chaos and disorder in her own mind.

That is exactly how it is for me.

When I’m lucid and on my meds I have the ability to keep the chaos at a minimum but the second that the depression and anxiety return so does the chaos in my home.

I focus on my “Stuff” so that I don’t need to focus on my real problems.

The Hello Kitty Figurine Collection on the shelf makes me feel happy when I focus on it so even though I don’t have room for all my clutter I can’t get rid of any of it because it is what I “Need” to keep from TOTALLY losing my mind.

It is weird. I know.

It makes no sense whatsoever but I just can’t make myself get rid of my unnecessary clutter because when I get into the “Horde Mode” I am actually, physically, unable to make myself do what I know needs to be done.

It is more then just “Avoidance”, it is looking at something and saying “I NEED TO DO THIS” yet being unable to life a hand to make it happen.

It is almost as if someone is holding my arms to my side to stop me…

It is impossible to truly describe to someone that has never experienced it… It’s like trying to describe having cancer or schizophrenia… You can talk and talk but it is impossible to understand second hand.

So please, if you know someone like this, don’t laugh… don’t m